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Monday, January 29, 2007

I've Got My Life of Complication Here to Sort Out

Things are nuts. I am nuts.

I mentioned that I'd started seeing someone, someone I like. I like like him. We went out again Friday and all was well. Happy yay fun dating super-cute time. Not remotely serious but still early. Let's face it, I don't usually like people. I find that people I want to sleep with and people I want to talk to are usually two distinct populations and I'm thrilled with my luck that I've met someone who fits into both categories and who I don't hate yet.

Then Saturday afternoon when I got back from NewBoy's house there was a text from the JC about some drama in his lab. I love lab gossip, so I called and got the story. All is still well at this point. Until he calls me back and says he wants to talk to me. In person. And because he's the JC I freak out, but I agree to meet him because we're still friends or something and to be honest I still ahve feelings for him. Feelings that were stronger before I met NewBoy but still big feelings.

Guess who has missed me since August? Who made a mistake? Who wants me back, not just to date but as a girlfriend? Who knows what was wrong before and wants to work on it and said everything I've been wanting to hear from him since the day he last left my apartment? Who seems really really earnest about this? Who said if I was seeing someone else and happy he'd understand but that he had to tell me?

At one point I actually banged my head on the table. Why couldn't he have said these things three weeks ago?

This is the JC. This is the only boy ever in my life I've dated and actually thought we could have a real future, as partners or even (eek) married. BUT this is the boy who hurt me like no other boy has ever hurt me, who crushed me, who made me feel horrible and like I would never, ever be whole again. Finally saying everything I've wanted him to say. Now.

I don't know what I'm going to do. I like NewBoy but I certainly don't love him and I'm not sure I can see a future with him, what with his not "getting" Judaism said in a way that made me cringe but that may be understandable as he's a rather bitter lapsed Catholic. But I like him and he's shiny and new and nice to me and he's certainly cooler than the JC and I think we have a shot at something. But the JC is the JC and I'd regret it if I didn't at least give him a chance. But I'd really regret it if he hurt me again, particularly if I stopped seeing NewBoy. Who I like.

I'm not deciding yet. I need time. Time in which I'm not going to stop seeing NewBoy but may start seeing the JC again on a very probationary basis. In public places. I just hope that time will actually help me figure this out and not make me even more confused.

And I haven't been sleeping right since the accident. It's clouding my mind. The insomnia plus this mess is not good for my always-tenuous stability. I cried in Student Health this morning - they raised the price of my birth control from $8 to $35 without so much as a warning or a phone call when I called it in. I can't afford that. But I can't switch and there's no generic and I finally, finally found a method that doesn't exacerbate my headaches and make me nuts and that I don't have to take at the same time every day and that I really, really love and I can't mess with switching methods again, not now, not with the craziness. So I cried but I gave the cashier $35. I'm not sure what I'll do next month. It isn't covered by insurance at all. Of course.

I wish I could sleep.


Monday, January 22, 2007

Timwatch 1/21 and General Updates

So yesterday's MTP was billed as John McCain and Ted Kennedy. Only the way the described it in the email, I thought they were going to be right across the table from each other engaging in a barrage of brilliant pro-and anti-"surge" rhetoric ending with Ted accusing McCain of becoming Bush's lapdog since 2000. But alas, it was McCain first (via satellite, which is never as much fun since you can't see the guest's coffee mug) then Ted. Ted, at least, had the courtesy to actually show up at the studio and thus there were no annoying satellite delays. What happened to John McCain? Whither his joie de vive? I almost felt bad for him as he looked so sad and tired. Almost.

My thoughts on the previous week's MTP were as follows:
-I hate Stephen Hadley. Tool.
-I hate Joe Lieberman
-Why is Chris Dodd running for President? Who does he think he is, Joe Biden?
-Have I mentioned that I hate Joe Lieberman?
-I hate Chuck Hagel less than I hate Joe Lieberman. Yikes.
-Shut up, Joe Lieberman! You're an embarrassment to the faith! There, I said it!

In life news, I've been getting physical therapy for my hip and shoulder since the accident. The hip still hurts but I think the shoulder is getting better. I have to do all these exercises with big colored rubber bands and I'm hoping I'll be all awesomely buff by the end. I don't think I'll be getting another car, at least not in the near future. I also haven't slept through the night in a few weeks, which is starting to have a detrimental effect on my thought processes as well as my typing skills. I'm TA-ing again but I'm only in it for the money. I broke my laptop. I had a successful 3rd date with a boy that I may actually like. He has thus far managed not to say positive things about Hitler, nor has he disclosed a long history of being on experimental psychiatric medications, nor does he say inappropriate things to those at the neighboring table in the bar. Plus, he likes the Smiths. I am currently in suspense as to what, exactly, is wrong with him as there must be something. I've gone back to my four dance rehearsals a week but I can't dance very much and look stupid when I do as I can't do any arm stuff. I need to finish some knitting stuff so I can put pictures on the internet and beg for compliments. There is a new food truck on campus (Jamaican!) that is awesome.

That is all.


Thursday, January 11, 2007

Timwatch 1/7

Due to complex life adventures of late, I hadn't even been watching Tim. He missed me, though. I can tell.

As everyone already knows, Joe Biden announced his candidate for Presidency on MTP. Except he basically announced his candidacy before Kerry's political corpse was cold, so I fail to see why the media even covered it. Anyway, Joe, you know I love you and respect you and think you're swell, but seriously? No chance. Nobody outside of the Philadelphia area has even heard of you, and we only know who you are because you represent Delaware and apparently Delaware just gets a few minutes now and then on the Philly news as it is but a wee state without much happening. We all know you're really running for Secretary of State there, Joe.

The other guest was Lindsey Graham of SC. Who is not running for president but maybe should (yeah, I know I shouldn't give hints to the enemy but whatever). I'd never vote for him. But he has a great bio (lost both blue-collar parents and adopted his little sister, Air Forge, JAG) and seems capable of reason. Of course, he can't really run for the nomination. Because he's single and has never been married and Googling "Lindsey Graham gay" gets an awful lot of hits. Which is too bad, because I'd vote for a gay president but not one who supported an amendment banning gay marriage while closeted. Not that he's actually gay. Just, you know, some things don't fly in the Republican primaries.


Tuesday, January 02, 2007


I'm mostly okay. A few cuts, some soreness, and I think my left hip and shoulder are going to take awhile to be better but that's it. I've been washing glass out of my hair and shaking it out of my things.

I mostly remember screaming and glass and panicking that I couldn't get out of the car. They took me to the hospital in Scranton in an ambulance on a backboard. Before the ambulance came, some very nice people wrapped me in blankets and got my purse and my phone out of the car and called my mom, who proceeded to start driving.

I don't think I've ever actually thought I was going to die before. It is not a good feeling.

Bad things happen when your car is under a semi.

2007 can only improve.