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Wednesday, August 17, 2005

Return of the Torsos!

The torsos, they have returned. Sort of.

The sidewalk outside Frankiln Field was torso-free for about two weeks, when suddenly...torsos again! Except this time, the torsos were being undressed and deflated. The clothes and the sad, flattened torsos were being packed onto big pallets and wrapped in plastic. I noticed that the torsos all had straps on them, probably to stop them from flying off and being escaped torso balloons.

I realized: people were getting paid to inflate dress, undress, deflate, and stack torsos. Probably a bunch of 22-year-old PAs. So why am I in graduate school?! I could be a professional torso wrangler! Seriously, I bet I am totally overqualified for this. I would be the bestest little torso wrangler ever, I swear.

Fun fact about Philly: the tree streets are named in order of descending hardness from north (Chestnut) to south (Pine). This also makes me feel better, since I was totally convinced that there was such a thing as a Sansom tree and I just didn't know because I'm not horticulturally inclined. Screw you, William Penn! Also, in reference to the damn NYT Sunday Styles piece, Philadelphia has never, ever, on pain of no longer ripping on Jersey referred to itself as "the sixth borough." NEVER. The only assclowns who might possibly utter such a phrase have obviously not spent more than a week in this city (or they're Jessica Pressler). Philadelphia is NOT the new Brooklyn, for fuck's sake don't try to make it the new Brooklyn! Yes, rent is eons cheaper than NYC (though you can't get an $800 1br on the Square itself, those are mostly highrise condos) but good luck getting a decent job. SEPTA sucks, the schools are a mess, and the public library is in Dewey. I really like Philadelphia. Really. But if fucking Brooklyn people (many of whom aren't really Brooklyn people, they're from everywhere else in the country and couldn't afford to move to Manhattan) move here and drive up prices even more, bad things will happen to them. Keep your $5 beer and overpriced studios in NYC and leave me with my $700 1br (with yard!) and my $1.75 bottles of Lager.

But Jersey sucks, right? I mean, we've got that in common.


Blogger The Retropolitan said...

Hey now! Be kind to those of us who're are Brooklyn's adopted sons.

8:05 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

hey don't knock on jersey, it may be my new home, if i get the cataloging gig at baker and taylor...although i'm not holding my breath, given my track record with job hunting recently...

10:29 AM  
Blogger Asher said...

I can't believe I'm saying it, but I miss my walks past Franklin Field... if only to remind myself it exists outside of an M. Night Shyamalan film.

and you know, growing up in Philly I always thought it was Samson St. So if, say, my mother would suggest I go get a haircut on Samson, I'd give her this horrified look in return. You know, the kind that asks, "are you my mom or Delilah?"
This may explain why I had super rock star hair as a young'un.

1:11 PM  
Blogger PoBaL said...

Wood hardness!?
The Yinzer girl's mind reels at actual city planning, one more time.

2:32 PM  

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