Awkward

So we've officially broken up. I was trying to postpone the whole mess until after Passover and stuff, but he overheard (eavesdropped?) when I was on the phone with my mom the other night. But as it happens, he was thinking that it wasn't quite working out too, he just never bothered to say anything. It was the most mature conversation we've had in our entire relationship. I guess that says something about our total lack of communication, eh?

Of course, we're still living together. It is a bit weird. We're being very nice and polite right now, but I'm afraid that will fall apart. I'm glad we have a futon, though, I can't imagine staying in the same bed for the next three months. Hopefully we can get out sooner than when the lease ends but if not, at least we can move the futon into the study or something.

I know this is what I've wanted for awhile. But for some reason, I'm still upset. It doesn't help that I'm facing down my 25th birthday. My mom got married when she was 25, and while we all know how well that worked out, I think it is going to be really hard to be single. And why can't I make a relationship last longer than three years? This is the third one that's died at about the three year mark. Maybe nobody can tolerate me for any longer than that.

Anyway, at least I'm going out dancing tomorrow. I emailed Science Crush to invite him (can you say nonconfrontational?) but he hasn't gotten back to me yet. I'm so antsy. I feel like I'm in seventh grade - I just want to send a note: "Do you like me? Circle yes/no." This is the other reason breaking up sucks: I hate being single and I really suck at it. I've never been good at all the coyness you seem to need to date people. Ugh.

Here's to drunken scientists dancing and hopefully a good makeout.