Mean Things I've Been Thinking About Teaching

My students had their first exam yesterday. I have no idea how they did. They almost killed me in the process. Seriously, do they think I like having to spend three hours answering questions in one email the night before the exam? That they can just show up at my office and expect me to, like, talk to them about capacitors? Hey, kids: they're not fucking paying me to do this and you're taking time away from my thesis. You know, that thing that takes years of research to get? You're totally adding years to graduate school here. And I will remember that forever and when you're in med school and haven't slept in days and are totally miserable, I will show up and say, "HA!"

And there was the barfing. The barfing and the nosebleeds and I was so busy trying not to barf in front of my students that I totally lied about cDNA libraries. Yes, I am sorry. I know lying to students is wrong. In fairness, I didn't know at the time that I was lying, I was just so busy focusing on not letting them see the oatmeal I'd had for breakfast that I couldn't think of the right answer. It wasn't on the exam, anyway.

And, to the girl who came into my office to argue about half a point on one homework: you're wrong, dumbass. I don't give points for wrong answers and you better fucking believe I'm going to remember how petty you are. I'm glad you have half an hour to waste arguing about 1/1300th of your final grade, but I'd like to finish this degree before I'm thirty.